yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
