my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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