wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
