The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
