Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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