I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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