that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
