Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
