i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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