you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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