dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
vagina is talking i cant
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
