Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
