Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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