Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You are the jesus of drinking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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