I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
