The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
try to milk me bitch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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