I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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