"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
