last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
