the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
