you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
