you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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