matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
