Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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