I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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