When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
