you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
