I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
