hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
