I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
