Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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