Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
