thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
