I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
