she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
