i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
