So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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