TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
