i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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