The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
