If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
