She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
