I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
