Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
