I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
