The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
