the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
