WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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