My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
