His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
