then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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