i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
