Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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