you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
