I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
