and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
