Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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