Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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