I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
