everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
