So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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