then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
