I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
