i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
