he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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